Radical Acceptance, It what It is

Tossed by the Waves, But Not Sinking: Finding Strength in the Face of Prostate Cancer

"Fluctuat nec mergitur." This Latin motto, meaning "He is tossed by the waves but doesn't sink," perfectly captures the resilience I've seen in men facing prostate cancer. It's a motto I've come to embrace, especially after my own unexpected journey.

My father passed away from prostate cancer at 89. Hearing those stark terms like "PSA" and astronomical numbers pushed me to get tested. When my PSA spiked a few months later, I was thrown into my own battle. Thankfully, it was caught early.

Almost seven years later, after my prostate was removed, I thought I was in the clear. Then, during the development of The Crowns Project - an initiative dedicated to raising awareness about prostate cancer - routine testing revealed that a cancer cell had escaped. Suddenly, I was facing a new wave of anxiety, bombarded with terms like "chemotherapy," "radiation," and "lymph nodes." This led me to dive deeper into research about prostate cancer and its treatment options.

The anxiety manifested in peculiar ways. I was afraid to drive because I would change lanes without thinking—well, I was thinking about my cancer and anticipating test results, just not about changing lanes! I'd go to the store and forget my wallet, return home to get it, go back to the store, and discover - like some bizarre magic trick - that the wallet wasn't in my pocket! It was comical in retrospect, but it highlighted the mental and emotional strain I was under.

Radical acceptance is about facing reality head-on. It means acknowledging your situation - a prostate cancer diagnosis - without getting stuck in "Why me?" or "This isn't fair." It's not about giving up; it's about shifting your focus from fighting what you can't change to dealing with what you can.

Radical acceptance can be a powerful tool in managing the emotional challenges of prostate cancer. Research shows it can help with overwhelming feelings, stress, anxiety, and sadness. It can also help process unwanted thoughts and memories from the experience.

Thankfully, I had a small but mighty support system of close friends. But it saddened me to realize that many men don't have that. Many face this battle alone. That's why I'm sharing my story - to inspire hope and encourage action.

To assist other men facing prostate cancer in finding the support they need, The Crowns Project created the Crowns Circle. This no-cost online support group provides a safe and confidential space for men to share stories, learn from others, gain support, and connect with others. The Crowns Circle is a source of strength, information, and camaraderie. It's a place to connect with men who understand the challenges of a prostate cancer diagnosis. Share your fears, celebrate victories, and learn from others. Our professional counselors and volunteer healthcare providers offer guidance and facilitate open discussions.

In addition to the Crowns Circle, don't underestimate the power of simply talking to others. Considering that prostate cancer is the second leading cause of death among men in the United States, you might be surprised how many men have been diagnosed with and treated for prostate cancer or know someone who has and is eager to share their experiences and offer support. Finding a support group, whether online or in person, can provide invaluable connections and a sense of community.

It's important to stay informed, but don't overdo the research. Information overload can increase anxiety and make it harder to make decisions. Trust your healthcare team, but don't be afraid to get a second opinion if you're not comfortable with their recommendations. I've seen situations where I had to bite my tongue when I learned about the treatment someone was getting or the hospital they were going to, and it just didn't feel right.

The Crowns Project is committed to providing resources and support. By participating in the Crowns Circle, you'll gain valuable support and contribute to a growing community. Your experiences will help The Crowns Project identify critical needs and develop new resources to empower men throughout their prostate cancer journey.

Don't wait for a crisis. Get informed, get tested, and get connected.

To healthcare providers and mental health professionals: Join us in empowering men with knowledge and support. Volunteer your time or expertise. Contact us at [email protected] for more information.

Together, we can create a wave of change and ensure that no man faces prostate cancer alone.